Sometimes You Have to Dig Deeper

Getting up at 5am wasn't any easier today but I did it anyway. I ignored the alarm and snuggled deep within the covers, trying to go back to sleep. Then this tiny, annoyingly shrill voice started shrieking that I needed to get my butt in gear right now. I thought I could just workout after work and sleep a little longer but I could get no peace.

As I dragged myself out of bed I realized I'd finally arrived at just the place I needed to be. The desire to be fit is burning strong and refuses to be silent. Before, I would always rely on someone else to motivate me, to tell me what to do and to make me do it. Pretty sad huh? Today is the very first day that I didn't need any assistance. I scheduled my workout on the teambachbody website and I kept my appointment. No excuses. And even though I was still tired I brought it this morning. Now my job is to keep that fire stoked. I know that if I do I'll get there.

Once I finished working out, I tossed those evil holiday leftovers like butter cookies. I just don't need that kind of crap hanging around the house. I have so much I want to accomplish in the next 6 months and I know that it's my job, my responsibility to see that it happens. And dare I say that once I got passed the warmup I actually enjoyed that workout? Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about!

Waking Up at 5am is Tough!

Last week I had challenges to getting my workouts in and I promised myself I would do my best to eliminate the ones within my control. When I leave my workouts for the evening any number of things can happen to throw me off. It becomes so much easier to make excuses. Now I know waking up early to do your workout first thing is not some brilliant new idea I thought up but I guess I never really believed it. I decided that I would start putting me first. I woke up this morning at 5:00am and went into my private space in the house. I popped in the Burn disc and pressed play.

Wow! What a difference. I was really tired initially but once I finished I felt a sense of accomplishment and I must say it's a fantastic way to start your day. I tried my first raw protein shake and it wasn't the best but you know what, I drank it anyway. This is about more than finding the next yummy thing to derive pleasure from. That's what got me to this point in the first place. This is about changing my whole life so that I am healthier, happier and more efficient. While that doesn't mean I need to be miserable, disgusted by everything I eat. It does mean that as I make changes and adjust I will have some hits and some misses. The important thing is to keep moving forward and keep pushing play.

I had a revelation in a dream last night about the way I've been living my life. For too long I've focused on the past. I would constantly worry about how my past choices were ruining my current life and feel sorry for myself. This morning I woke up! I realized that I have been angry at others for how "they" mistreated me. All of a sudden I realize that I mistreat myself in a more defining way than any other person has the power to.

See it's from not loving and caring for yourself and not putting yourself and your needs first that you hurt yourself the most. People take not of how much we value ourselves and their actions are a direct reflection of how they perceive your self love. I never really got the saying that people only do what you allow but now it makes sense. With that understanding I am even more determined to love and care for myself, realizing that things like improved appearance are merely side benefits to taking time out to nurture my body, mind and spirit. Ask yourself just one question today. What have you done for you lately?

ChaLean Extreme Week 1

I just completed week one of ChaLean Extreme and all I can say is wow. I have never brought it this hard at home. When I used to go to the gym and work out with my hubby/personal trainer maybe but not at home. Once I realized the workouts in the box were no joke I decided to bring it hard every time I push play. I wasn't too serious about it last week and felt that these DVDs can definitely help you get a fantastic body but you have to be willing to work for it. So I repeated week one and actually picked up some weights. Wow what a difference it makes. I am tired but I feel so accomplished and ready for my rest day.
Back when I was the cardio queen I didn't take rest days but the soreness I am feeling means I will be using those rest days every week. I threw out my scale a little while back so I can't update on whether or not I lost pounds but I can and will take update pics and post them frequently, along with my measurements. DH is already asleep but I promise I'll get him to help me with measurements tomorrow. Night!

I Can't Believe It!

It's Christmas day. Normally the holidays are just the excuse I need to justify stuffing myself full of whatever unhealthy crap I can get my hands on. Cake, cookies, pies. . . you name it and I've made up an excuse as to why it needs to be on the holiday menu. This year was surprisingly different. I told myself I was waiting until Jan 4 to get serious about my fitness because the holidays were coming and whatever excuses seemed plausible.
Yesterday I convinced the hubby to do Burn Intervals with me and as the sweat was dripping off me I wondered what would possess me to think we should host a dessert social on Saturday. So today I woke up and exercised. I'm one workout away from completing my first week of ChaLean Extreme as directed in the guidebook and it feels really good. After getting my butt kicked doing Burn 3 I decided enough was enough. We ate a relatively harmless meal. Well harmless in comparison to what I'd normally have eaten. We had chicken, baked sweet potatoes, stuffing and cranberry relish. I didn't overeat. There was no pie or cake for dessert. Just fruit. I am pleasantly surprised by the way the day went. I feel so thankful to have finally realized that it's not all about willpower. This weight loss thing is actually about desire. You have to want results more than you want that next donut. I think I've finally felt the burn of desire. What a perfect Christmas gift. Oh and speaking of Christmas gifts, this year the only gift I got was ChaLean Extreme. It was an investment in my future and honestly it felt better than new clothes or shiny electronics. Happy holidays!

Food Hangovers Suck!

So hubby and I went out last night to celebrate our first anniversary. I figured since I hadn't "officially" started my health and wellness challenge for 2010 we could enjoy an evening at Fogo de Chao. Big mistake. Huge. (a la Julie Roberts to the sales clerk in Pretty Woman)
By the time we left the theater where we went to catch Avatar after dinner, we were both staggering. Anyone looking would have sworn we were hung over. I have never been so happy to see my bed. We did the necessary bedtime rituals and collapsed into bed. I slept a solid 11 hours trying to recover. I was so upset when I finally dragged myself out of bed that I decided to get in a morning workout and change my diet starting today.
Just because it's not Jan 4 is not an excuse to eat every thing in sight or make myself sick. The holiday party madness will not defeat me this year. I am done. I plan to attend the remaining festivities for social purposes only and will go forth armed with my own food. Till next time . . .

It's Time to Get Extreme Baby!

Nick and I went to see the Princess and the Frog on Friday. I enjoyed the movie. It was done in classic Disney style. Enjoyable music, fairytale story line, subtle potshots in reference to race and socioeconomic status and all that jazz. The best part about the movie was the emphasis placed on finding a balance between dreaming and hard work.
I thought I'd blog about it because it struck me how important finding that balance is to weight loss. You have to dream because if you can visualize yourself at goal it makes it more likely you will achieve it, but you have to be willing to put in the work. Work means more than working out you know. It's taking the time to purchase groceries and prepare healthy meals, count your calories, AND hit the workouts hard. It's taking extra time to walk to work because your muscles are screaming with soreness but doing it anyway. It involves coming back the next day to workout again and knowing you'll be a little more bad ass for your efforts.
I finally decided I would use ChaLean Extreme for the exercise component of my healthy living makeover. It's a 90 day program that combines strength training and cardio. I approve of the real weight training included with the program. That frou-frou cutesy strength training will only get you so far. Real athletes sweat. And sweat I did! If you are looking for a hardcore workout program this is it. I was literally spitting sweat out trying to get through the first video in the collection - Burn 1. I normally try to workout in the morning but today it was not going to happen that way. I thought the workout caused me to break a good sweat but kept whining to Nick that I didn't feel worked out. When I tried to get out of bed this morning I realized I may have underestimated that DVD just a little and so I'll be attempting Burn 2 in the evening hours instead. All in all I decided I've spent far too much time dreaming and that a dose of hard work would do me good. It's time to get extreme baby! I so love that phrase now. You can wipe the floor with me anytime Chalene, anytime.

Quick Update!

I just wanted to make a quick post today. I finally got my ChaLean program. I plan to start using it next week. I didn't realize so many things came in that little box! I want to take my time and sort through the materials before jumping in. I also am going to be embarking on a year long journey to raw. I will be posting details soon. I have to run but I'll be back soon.

And We're Back!

My shoulder has been feeling much better so today I decided to give exercise a try. It feels a little stiff so I did not even attempt to use weights. I just wanted to break a sweat so I mostly hit it with squats, lunges and crunches. I plan to work on building my tolerance back up very slowly. It really felt good to get back in the game!

Disordered Eating

When 75-100% of your total food consumption is raw food, you are a considered a raw foodist. A raw foods diet includes fruits, vegetables, greens, nuts, seeds and sprouts. Some raw foodists eat raw dairy, eggs and meat. I am not planning on practicing that form of raw foodism and am not sure about raw veganism at this point either.
I am currently working on developing my natural beauty regimen. I am increasing the amount of raw foods in my diet, reducing the amount of cooked food in my diet and avoiding animal flesh. At this point I can't say where I'll be heading with the dairy, eggs, processed carbohydrates situation. I remember that eating at 100% meant I spent around $1,000 monthly at the grocery stores. That's not feasible at this point in life so right now I will be working on finding the happy medium where my body and bank account can both be happy.
One of the catalysts for this change is the fact that working out hard 6 days a week from the jump was a huge mistake. I injured my shoulder - bursitis- and haven't been able to work out for the past week. I am currently on steroid treatment, hoping for a speedy recovery. The injury opened my eyes to the fact that I must exercise more control over what goes into my mouth because I can't count on burning it off to maintain my weight much less removing pounds.
The second key to spark change was a happy hour with my girlfriend. We went to this relatively new restaurant in a nice part of town where they have half off appetizers and really discounted drinks during happy hour. I have issues with food. We shared 6 appetizers between the two of us and two desserts. I was so ill on the way home that I collapsed on a neighbors front lawn retching. Sorry neighbor! I was so disgusted with myself. People are starving in parts of the world, including my own backyard and my idea of a good time on a Friday night is to gorge myself on food until I'm ill. Ridiculous!
You could say I had an epiphiny Friday night. I hit an all time low. I was on the phone crying about the pain in my stomach, unsure if I could make the 30 minute walk home. I actually considered calling a taxi. I have walked that stretch hundreds of time without issue and yet here I was thinking how badly my stomach hurt and my shoulder and my knee. I wondered how I had gotten to this new low. Pain is a fact of life when you are 50+ pounds overweight. The answer was staring me in the face. Literally. I suffer from an eating disorder. Disordered eating is a struggle of mine and it's really not just about the weight. The more time goes by, I realize there is something very wrong with the way we view food in this country. I'm not alone in this. I hope that one day, the millions of people eating themselves to death will wake up. It's my goal to change that, one person at a time, starting with me. Thanks for reading!

Raw Foods Here I Come!

I decided I should work on a vision board to help me focus my energy on attaining my goals. To begin I started thinking today about why I wanted this new body and what it would mean to me. I realized that this is so much deeper than being able to don a midriff bearing top and hot pants. When I think back to when I was most healthy in life, I remember being a cheerleader. I felt fit and strong. I went after what I wanted. I was happy and at peace with myself. So for me, this is about more than my love of dance or wanting to look great in a bikini. This is about releasing the negative behaviors that have crept into my lifestyle to fully embrace a new and improved me.
As I reflected on what I have been doing in the years since I hung up my poms, I realized that I have dibbled and dabbled in almost every weight loss strategy known to modern man and the only one I ever felt really improved me was a raw foods/vegan lifestyle. Once that thought popped into my head, it suddenly became clear that I needed to find a way back. I let it slide when I left my full time job. I mean I visited Whole Foods at least once a day and my average grocery bill was $300 weekly. Now if I can figure out how to make it financially feasible, I truly believe that I can improve my entire being. For those not familiar with the raw food movement, details coming soon.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

I was feeling under the weather all weekend. I got some rest, took some vitamins and wow this morning I finally feel better. I am so convinced that the crap we put into our bodies keeps us unwell. I truly am on a mission to find optimal health. I'm only 27 and I already have arthritis. Ridiculous! I hope that by respecting my body as a temple will allow me to lead a full, happy and productive life.
I missed my weekly WW meeting with Joanne because I just picked up a lcass at church that is at the same time. If I had thought about that sooner I would have gone to her Friday evening meeting or the 7:30am meeting but I didn't think ahead. I'll be back next week. I did turbo jam this morning and plan to continue for the rest of the week. We'll see how it goes and I'll keep you posted!
On a completely off topic note. . .what in the world? Khloe Kardashian or should I say Odom was married yesterday to a man she dated for somewhere between one and four months? That new body must have gone straight to her head. I hope I still know how to act when I get in shape. Geez! That dress she wore to do her registry was fierce though. At the engagement party Kim, as usual, looked fabulous. I would love to have her wardrobe!

Life is So Hectic

Busy day today. Sundays are now officially designated GRE/application prep day. I just wanted to quickly post the results from last week. I weighed in at 196 at my weekly meeting. Not eating any more than usual and I started working out so I don't know if it is genuine weight gain, bloating, water retention or whatever. I am also in high stress mode as application season is now in full swing. I spent about 7 hours on prep today alone. I'm now exhausted and hungry. Going to find some dinner and get ready for bed. Later!

Finally Ready for a Change . . .

in my state of mind. That's what it will take for me to be victorious in this battle of the bulge. Or maybe I should say bulges. I need to take an update picture but it's so hard. Looking in the mirror can be bad enough but posting photos. Yikes. I promise I will update next weekend.
I weighed in this morning at my second weight watchers meeting and found I am now up 1.2 pounds. Could that have something to do with the regular season of scientific meetings starting up last week. Why is it that a major health institution only serves unhealthy foods. There are meatballs, puff pastries, cookies and cakes galore. I thought I'd be okay at the kickoff luncheon until I saw the giant red velevet cake slices with cream cheese icing. Sigh.
I don't want to carry these pounds around forever so I did what any sane modern day woman would do . . .started looking at detox plans. I decided on Jay Robb's 3 Day Fruit Flush. It's awful. I never had a problem with protein shakes. I guess that's because I always made them with milk. Making a protein shake with water is absolutely disgusting. Oh the things we do for weight loss . . .
I've been talking to hubby about what I am trying to do. He said that I really should set more concrete goals. I agree. I am going to audition in 2010 regardless of what shape I'm in. Maybe that will light just the fire I need. I will post a countdown clock in December when the audition dates are announced. It's generally late March/early April. Until then I will focus on shaving off two pounds a week. I will start doing a weekly progress post on Sundays to keep track of my official stats and my workout of the week (WOW). Talk to you soon . ..

Get You Butt in Gear

Whew! It's been awhile since my last post . . . and my last work. I have been going through a period of deep turmoil in my personal life. The decision to leave my full time teaching position and enter a postbac program was a tough one. My days are long and the financial consequences are often difficult to swallow. I started this journey knowing it would not be easy but even the most motivated of us can be sidetracked. Thankfully the storm has passed for now and I am back on track.
In terms of my fitness goals, I didn't gain any weight during my hiatus but I didn't lose any either. I decided I need a little more structure so I joined weight watchers this past weekend. I thought I was down for the count this morning due to severe menstrual cramps but in retrospect I think it was just the kick in the rear I needed. Consuming processed foods with whatever fillers and chemicals they add in there and not exercising is a recipe for disaster. I think I had months of relatively pain free cycles and forgot what it felt like. Well as I lay in bed writhing and crying I decided I could spend the day like that or I could grit my teeth and suck it up, knowing my choices landed me there.
I got up. Not only did I get up, I exercised anyway. I only managed learn and burn but I am proud of myself for getting up. It still hurts. It hurts badly but I am now finished my breakfast so I am going to hit the shower and get to work. I looked down at my lower body while checking my form and realized that the rolls and cellulite were as much a result of my choices as the cramps. It's time to take responsibility, knowing that my actions each day have consequences. In a few months the application process will be over. Where will I stand? If I continue on this path, I will be worse off than where I started. Still not working on my PhD and more poor than ever before. I have hours of meetings this afternoon and science waits for no man- or in this case woman. Keep moving forward and keep pressing play. Thanks for reading. Later!

Time to Recover and Retwist

I woke up tired and grumpy. Why? Tomorrow is hair day. Thankfully it's also my rest day. I have to take my twists down, wash and deep condition my hair AND retwist. This used to not be a big deal but today is day 6 of my fitness plan and my arms are sore. I have lost count of the number of push ups I've done this week but I can tell you that lifting my arms over my head is no joke. Oh well, I'm on a mission to get fine in '09 so I'll have to suck this one up.
On a fitness note, I am really starting to get into this exercise thing. I mean it's not half bad. Hubby installed a pull up bar for me because I want to start building my arm strenght up. I want to do P90X in the near future.

Still Trying to Get the Exercise Component RIght

Nothing new here today. I stuck with Start It Up today because I don't feel like I've mastered the moves enough to move on to Ramp It Up. I am not going to move on until I feel prepared to do everything with proper form. No point in learning new bad habits. The ones I already have landed me here in the first place. And speaking of bad habits, I lost track of how many sweets I had today. I crave sugar when I get PMS. Yikes!

Hi My Name is Tee and I'm a Sugar Addict

I am so sleepy right now. I had an ok day. It could have been way better. I pushed play with Debbie this morning. I know I'm not ready for Burn It Up tomorrow. Oh well. Salt water taffy at work today. Ate two servings. That's 220 calories of sugar. It's over now. I learned something today. I need to pack a treat in my lunch bag for emergencies! All in all I feel good about the fact that I did get up and work out and that I packed my bag with fresh clean goodies. My goal this week is to learn how to make this work. I think I'm well on my way.
Cuz Brown stopped by tonight. We had a whole wheat muffin. Unlike my pure carnivorous husband, he did not find my clean eating muffins repulsive. I think we'll have to spend more time together:)

Getting Started

So there are many reasons why I hate to shop for clothing but swimsuits are the worst. This "before" shot hubby took is reason enough to get off the couch. This weekend my wonderfully supportive hubby and I did some shopping. We got some workout tools that will come in handy- notably a water bottle and a pull up bar. You might be wondering why I got a pull up bar if I'm in such terrible shape. Well the short answer is I need to get started on serious ab work. Have you seen those midriff bearing uniforms? See before pic above. Seriously, even if they are covered in a layer of fat, I need abs and I need them now. Not only will they look good when the layer of fat is worked off, a strong core is really important to dancer form.
I spent hours yesterday preparing healthy meals. I woke up and made my way through the first video in the Slim in 6 series by beachbody. Do I think I'll be slim in 6 weeks? Uh, heck no! I do think that beginning a toning program now is important. Saggy skin from weight loss is so NOT cute.

You Want to Do What?

I have wanted to audition for an NFL cheerleading squad for almost a decade. In 2000, my college dance team participated in the annual Spirit Explosion hosted by the WRC - First Ladies of Football. Since that memorable date, I've misplaced those neon green poms but the dream has never died. I find myself a few months shy of a decade since the dream was born at 193lbs and in poor shape. Not exactly cheerleader material.
I could continue to sit back and fondly remember the good old days and sadly view photos of the new squad on ultimate cheerleader but this year I recently told a coworker I would really like to audition. She looked at me like I was insane and said she couldn't imagine it. That's when I realized that it was time to put up or shut up. I've decided to get off the couch and do something about this sad state of affairs. I will be documenting my journey here. Will I become a member of the WRC family next spring? Who knows. What I do know, is that I will be much better off for having seriously attempting to pursue a dream. Stay tuned. . .